In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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