Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
