hotel room ftw
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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