he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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