I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's like iHOP with fire
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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