C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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