I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
