I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
