Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
