So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
