If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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