Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
