I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
