Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
