Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I puked a lego.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
