Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
