I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
