giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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