Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
