and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
