I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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