its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
