sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
