We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
