help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
