cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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