guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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