The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
