I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
