Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
