Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
