I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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