We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Michael Bay diarrhea
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
