Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
