it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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