even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
