i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
