I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
