12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
