The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
