Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
