i think i have herpe
just one?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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