I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
