Welp...herpes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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