i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
its not stalking. its research.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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