somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
