Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
