im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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