he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
