OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
